So, you want to know how to more confident… I have some bad news for you, confidence is not something that is simply learned, instead, confidence is something that is worked on. To be confident you need a mixture of positive thinking, practice, training, knowledge, taking care of yourself, and talking to other people in order to improve or boost your self confidence. In this article we’ll dive deep into better understanding how to be more confident… After reading this article, you’ll know exactly what you need to do to build your self confidence…
Table of Contents
What Is Confidence?
To learn how to be confident, we first need to understand what is confidence? Everyone, after all, wants to be more confident and they know what confidence looks like when they see it in others, but how can we break it down so that we can gain confidence for ourselves, how can we build self confidence?
According to Dictionary.com, Confidence is:
“belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance”1
By simply looking at the definition of confidence, we see that how confident you are is determined by you. In fact, confidence comes from a feeling of well-being, acceptance of your body and mind (self-esteem) and belief in your own ability, skills and experience.2 As a result, self confidence is often broken down into two parts: self-efficacy and self-esteem3
- Self-efficacy: Self-efficacy is a internal sense, or belief that we can accomplish a variety of tasks or goals. This is the belief that if we learn and work hard in a particular area, we’ll succeed. Having confidence here is what leads people to accept difficult challenges, and persist in the face of setbacks…
- Self-esteem: Self-esteem overlaps a little with self-efficacy but it’s more related to the belief that we are generally competent in what we do and we can compete successfully when we put our minds to it. Additionally, self-esteem helps us to cope with our daily lives and aims for the right to be happy…
Thus, building confidence is a process where we learn to do certain tasks better and also having belief in our selves in being able to do the tasks… Rather it’s working on a new job, on a new goal, talking to someone, or carrying ourselves with confidence… these are all things we can learn to do…
As a side note, having low-confidence can be a result of many factors such as: fear of the unknown, criticism, being unhappy with personal appearance (self-esteem), feeling unprepared, poor time-management, feeling unworthy, lack of knowledge, and past failures.
Confidence however, is not set in stone. Your confidence to perform specific tasks can increase and decrease. On some days you may feel more confident than others. As you learn how to be confident, you’ll have more ups than downs over time.
Additionally, confidence shouldn’t be confused with self-esteem because they are not the same thing. They are, however, linked as explained earlier. Confidence is used to describe how we feel about our ability to perform roles, functions and tasks. Self-esteem on the other hand is about how we feel about ourselves, the way we look, the way we think, and whether or not we feel worthy or valued.
Yes, people with low self esteem often have low confidence. However, people with high self esteem can also have low confidence. Plus, it’s also possible for people with low self esteem to have high confidence. So, confidence and self esteem are not always correlated with one another.
In this article, we’re going to focus on how to build confidence in you…
Do You Have Self Confidence?
Here’s a quick self confidence test to see where you stand… Remember, your confidence can show in many ways: your behavior, your body language, how you speak, what you say, and so on. Check out the following comparisons between what a confident individual would do and what a person with low self confidence would do.
While going through the chart below3,4, ask yourself the following: “Which thoughts or actions do I recognize in myself and the people around me?”
low Self Confidence behavior
|Doing what they believe to be right, even if others mock or criticize them for it.||Basing their behavior on what other people think.|
|Having ambition and are achieving their goals because they know what they want.||Don’t set goals and live life one day at a time.|
|Having positive and realistic expectations.||Can be negative and have unrealistic expectations of what’s possible.|
|Being willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things.||Staying in their comfort zone because they fear failure.|
|Are comfortable with uncertainty.||Rather not try anything new.|
|Admitting their mistakes, and learning from them.||Working hard to cover up mistakes and hoping that they can fix the problem before anyone notices.|
|Have faith in their own abilities.||Believe they are not capable of doing much.|
|Waiting for others to congratulate them on their accomplishments.||Bragging about what they’ve accomplished to as many people as possible.|
|Don’t take things too seriously or personally.||Takes everything personally. May think the world is against them.|
|Accepting of compliments graciously. “Thanks, I really worked hard to finish the project.”||Dismissing compliments offhandedly. “Oh it wasn’t a big deal, anyone could have done it.”|
|Makes others feel good.||Focus on self and their problems in life.|
As you can see from the examples above, low self confidence is often self destructive and can be seen negatively. On the other hand, those with confidence are generally more positive because they believe in themselves and their abilities.
Of course, having a few qualities from the Low Self Confidence Behavior doesn’t mean you always have low confidence… Is there room for growth?… Of Course! And can you have off days?… Of Course!… Keep reading to better understand how to be more confident!…
Can You Have Too Much Self Confidence?
As you learn how to build self confidence, it’s important that you stay grounded. Self confidence is a balance act between low self confidence and being over confident.
If you have low self confidence, you’ll often avoid taking risks and stretching yourself, often not trying anything new at all. If you’re over-confident in your abilities, you may take on too much risk, stretch yourself beyond your capabilities, and often crash badly.
Building the right amount of self confidence comes from being founded in reality and on your true ability. With the right amount of self confidence, you will make informed risks, stretch yourself (but not beyond what you’re capable of) and you’ll try hard.
By having “too much self confidence”, you’ll pass having the right amount of confidence and may actually become arrogant. By becoming arrogant, you’ll be the person no one wants to be around and will refuse to acknowledge your own mistakes.
There’s nothing wrong with having a high self confidence, however, don’t full victim into having a inflated self confidence that’s built on a false reality of yourself.
How To Be More Confident
Can you really gain confidence? Or is self confidence something you’re born with? Guess what… You can gain more self confidence. Confidence is not something you’re born with. Instead, it’s something you can work on and nurture over time.
However, if you really want to build your confidence, you’re going to need to work on it. Much like losing weight, this is something you’ll need to earn. Here are a few things you can start doing today in order to gain more self confidence…
How to Build Self Confidence: Take Into Account Past Successes
In life, it’s easier to think about the negative parts than the positive. We will often replay past failures over and over, which bleed over into other situations in life that have nothing to do with the past failure. As we only focus on these past failures, we begin to lower our confidence and our self esteem.
You asked how to be more confident?… Here’s how… Make a list of all your past successes. Maybe you did something great at work and people noticed. Maybe you graduated high school or college against great odds. Maybe you did something you never thought you could…
Simply list accomplishments that were challenging for you… This is about what you did and are proud of. By remembering these past successes you will start gaining confidence in yourself. Make sure to pull this list out whenever you feel like you can’t do anything right…
How to Build Self Confidence: Know Your Strengths & Weaknesses
When building your confidence, it’s important to understand your strengths and weaknesses. Make a list of what you’re good at and what can improve. By doing this you can review what you’re capable of.
Maybe you’ll want to work on your strengths and make them stronger. Or maybe you’ll just want to work on your weaknesses and learn to make them better. When you’re working on your weaknesses, prioritize them according to what’s important to you. Then take on the next few steps in building your confidence to know what to do to improve them.
How to Build Self Confidence: What’s Important To You
By working on your confidence, you’re making a commitment to yourself to better your life. Unfortunately, life is challenging and you building on your self confidence may result in some set backs. You may make some mistakes. So this is important for you to do.
Write down WHY you’re working on your self confidence… Why do you want to be more confident? Is it to be successful? Do you want more money? Do you want a significant other? Maybe you feel pushed around and you’re tired of it…
Whatever the case may be, write down WHY you want to build your confidence and review this everyday. This will be a reminder of what you want to achieve. This will help you get through the tough times that may lay ahead.
How to Build Self Confidence: Set Small Goals & Achieve Them
When your self confidence is low in specific areas, it’s important to set small goals in what you want to achieve. By setting small goals and achieving them, you set yourself up to continually build on your confidence.
For example, if you never worked out before, don’t expect to workout an hour and still want to workout again the next day. Instead, workout 10 minutes a day for a few weeks. Then add more time and over time add more intensity.
By starting with small goals, you show yourself that you can do it. That you can achieve what you want to achieve. As a result your confidence will begin to increase.
How to Build Self Confidence: Planning & Preparation
Lacking confidence is often situational. Meaning you’re going to feel more confident in certain situations than others. Often new or potentially difficult situations will make people feel less confident.
So then, how can you build your self confidence?… Plan and Prepare… For example, one of the most common fears people have is public speaking. If you’re asked to talk in front of people, then you need to plan and prepare for your talk. Know what you’re going to talk about. Write it down. Go over it in front of a mirror. Go over what you’re going to say in front of friends. Practice, practice, practice until you know every little detail.
Your job is to prepare for even little unknown situations that may come up as best as you can. By increasing what you know about the situation you will start building your confidence.
Additionally, be easy on yourself if you make a mistake. Mistakes are part of life. Simply learn from it and move on. Next time you’ll be better prepared!
How to Build Self Confidence: Learn More
Learning and researching can help us feel more confident about our ability to handle tough situations, roles, and tasks. Some people feel like they lack self confidence because they don’t know what to expect or what to do. And unfortunately, high school, college, and traditional schooling can not help you prepare for every little thing that life will throw at you.
So what do you do?… Just like you’re learning how to be more confident, you do research online, find a book on Amazon, ask a friend that’s more knowledgeable about the topic, or do research in a library in order to prepare yourself. By learning and gaining more knowledge you’ll start to feel more confident about the situations, roles, or tasks that you need to do.
For example, many people may lack confidence when they first start a job. However, after a few months of training they’ll feel much more confident in being able to do the job. And one day they’ll get to the point of being able to train others who may also be feeling less confident when they start.
How to Build Self Confidence: Positive Thinking
Positive thinking is a very powerful way to increase confidence… However, you need to be realistic at the same time. For example, you can think positively all you want but if you’re not a surgeon, you won’t be able to conduct surgery. However, if you’re a surgeon and think positively about what you can do, then you’ll increase your confidence in the operation room and have greater success…
Here are the basic rules of positive thinking to increase your confidence: highlight your strengths and successes and learn from your weaknesses and mistakes. I know, I know… this is a lot easier than it sounds because many of us dwell on past mistakes – making them seem bigger issues than they really are. By having these negative thoughts, you damage your confidence and your ability to achieve your goals.
In Order to Build Self Confidence, Change the Way You See Life2:
- Know Your Strength & Weakness: Make a list of things you’re good at and things you need to improve on. Get input from friends and family on what you can add to your lists. Then celebrate and develop your strengths and find ways to improve or manage your weaknesses.
- Mistakes Happen: Don’t think of your mistakes as life ending events. Instead think of mistakes as learning opportunities.
- Accept Compliments & Compliment Yourself: When you receive a compliment from someone, thank them and ask for details; what exactly did they like? Additionally, recognize your own achievements and celebrate them by rewarding yourself.
- Use Criticism As A Learning Experience: Remember, criticism is just the opinion of someone else. When receiving criticism, don’t reply defensively or allow it to lower your self esteem. Instead, learn and improve from the criticism. Of course only if the criticism has grounds to help you improve.
- Try To Maintain A Joyful Personality: Make sure to smile and try to complain or criticize when necessary and when you do, make sure it’s in a constructive way. You can also offer others compliments and congratulate them on their success.
How to Build Self Confidence: Talk To Others
Talking to and being around others who are confident will usually help you to feel more confident as well. Talk to people who have achieved what you want to achieve. To talk to those who have successfully gone through situations where you’re lacking confidence. This will allow you to learn to be more confident about the task you have at hand and their confidence will begin to rub off on you as well.
Additionally, once you become confident in a area of your life, help those who are struggling with what you had struggled with. This will help the person and also help further build your self confidence.
How to Build Self Confidence: Gain Experience
Much like we take time to learn in order to build confidence, we also need to start applying what we have learned in order to gain confidence. This means we start successfully accomplishing our goals and tasks that we’re trying to get done.
Of course gaining experience may not be easy at first. In fact, taking the first step in doing something new may seem more difficult then it really is. This is why you need to prepare, plan, learn, and think positively before you go into gaining experience.
And remember, while gaining experience, you may make a mistake or you may even fail. Keep in mind that failure is just an event. You need to learn from it and move on. Either change how you approached your task or maybe it’s time to try something else. Whatever the case may be, don’t let your self confidence suffer because of a set back.
How to Build Self Confidence: Be Assertive
While being assertive can mean taking charge of a situation, it also means standing up for what you believe in and sticking to your principals. You can be assertive without being a “leader”.
Being assertive also means that you can change your mind if you believe it right to do so. However, this is not the same as being pressured by someone else to change your mind.
Additionally, assertiveness, self confidence, and self esteem are very closely linked – usually as you gain self confidence and self esteem you’ll naturally become more assertive.
How to Build Self Confidence: Avoid Arrogance
Do not confuse High Self Confidence with Arrogance… Arrogance will ruin relationships and it’s a exaggeration of what you really can do.
As you’re building confidence, you will become successful, make sure to avoid feeling superior to others. Remember that nobody is perfect, there is always more that you can learn. Celebrate your strength and successes and recognize your weaknesses and failures. Make sure to give others credit for their accomplishments. And of course be courteous, polite, remain humble, and show interest in other people…
Quick Self Confidence Boosters
In How To Be More Confident, we covered exact steps that will help you to build your self confidence in any situation of your life. Here are additional Self Confidence Boosters5 that will further boost your confidence levels through the roof!
1. Groom Yourself: This is an obvious self confidence builder. When we look our best we feel our best, so make sure to shower, shave, fix your hair, cut your hair and do what every else you need to do for you to feel good about yourself…
2. Dress Nicely: Now that you have fixed yourself up, it’s time to dress the part. Dress in something that you’re comfortable in in order to increase your self confidence.
3. Photo-shop Your Self Image: Change the way that you see yourself. Do you always see yourself at failing at everything? Then stop. change your self image and it will start to build up your confidence. Recognize that you are someone of importance.
4. Think Positive: This was mentioned before but it’s crucial you focus on the positive because that’s what will help determine outcomes in your life. It’s better to go into a situation with a positive outlook than a negative one. Check this out to inspire you: 110 Self Confidence Quotes
5. Kill Negative Thoughts: Too often we focus on what could go wrong. Before you know it you’re making something that’s not a big deal into total nightmare. Remember, our minds can be more creative than what can actually happen in real life! So take control of your thoughts…
6. Know Yourself: In any battle we can’t have success unless we truly know our enemy. As we’re trying to build our self confidence up, our biggest enemy is ourselves. What thoughts go through your mind everyday? What are your limitations? Have limitations been placed on you or have you done it yourself? Write down what constantly goes through your mind and look for limiting beliefs. As you write it down, write on the opposite side, the truth of who you are or what you want to believe instead.
7. Act Positive: It’s one thing to think positively and to know how to act confidentially, but it’s another to act on it. Developing self confidence is about taking action, making mistakes, having successes, and continuing to improve.
8. Help Others: There are people that need help everyday. Take the time to help whenever you can and you’ll start building your confidence because you’ll start feeling good about yourself.
9. Be Prepared: This is a self confidence booster worth mentioning several times because we often lack confidence because we’re not prepared or we don’t know what to do. Just like taking a exam, you’ll feel more confident about taking the exam if you studied your butt off verses if you didn’t. Life is one big exam, so prepare yourself!
10. Stick To Your Principals: Do you know your principals? If not find them… Know what your life stands for or what you want your life to stand for. Without principals you will go through life without direction. And without direction you won’t feel very good about your life. Better yet, find your life’s purpose and nothing will stand in your way!
11. Speak Slowly: This can be a simple thing to do but it deals with how others will perceive you. A person who feels that he isn’t worth listening to will speak quickly because he doesn’t want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to. Of course don’t take this to a extreme, but don’t sound rushed either.
12. Stand Tall6: This is one of the most obvious confidence boosters… Our parents always told us to stand up straight and sit up in our chairs… For whatever reason though, many of us still have horrible posture. Yet, when we see people standing tall we feel like they have more confidence. Well, it’s time for you to focus on your own posture as well. Have a straight back, look directly in front of you, and push out your chest. Not only are people who stand tall more confident, they look more attractive as well…
13. Increase Competence: How do you feel more competent? By studying and practicing more and more everyday. Competence comes from taking action. And here’s the best part, you can just take small steps every day to become more competent. Any project or goal you have, break it up into smaller parts… Which takes us to our next self confidence booster…
14. Set Small Goals & Achieve It: People often want to eat the whole elephant in one sitting. Yet, that’s not how you eat an elephant. You eat an elephant one bite a time. Set small goals, achieve it, and then set another small goal. As you successfully accomplish your small goals, you’ll be building more and more confidence.
15. Change A Small Habit: Not a big one like quit smoking or losing 20 pounds. Just a small one like waking up 10 minutes earlier, drinking an extra glass of water, walking for 10 minutes, or writing more. Do something small that you know you can do. When you accomplish something small, you’ll feel more confident about doing other things in life.
16. Focus on Solutions: If you love to complain or focus on problems, it’s time to change your focus. Focusing on possible solutions instead of problems is one of the best things you can do for your confidence and career!
17. Smile: Smiling is a quick way to change your whole mood around. With a smile you’ll increase your confidence, feel happier, and will even positively effect those around you.
18. Volunteer: This goes with the Helping Others self confidence booster. It doesn’t matter what time of year it is, you can always find a volunteer group that helps those in need. This will boost your self confidence, self esteem, and self worth.
19. Be Grateful: Being grateful in your life is the best way to boost your overall self image. Take a few minutes of your day to write down what you’re grateful for. This will allow you to take into account everything you’ve been given in life.
20. Exercise: Exercising is not just about weight loss. Exercise increases your mood, your creativity, and just makes you feel good about yourself. Best of all, you don’t need to exercise for an hour to get the benefits of exercising. A simple 10 minute walk will do. Check this out: Does Exercise Improve Confidence?
21. Eat Healthy Foods: More than likely you experienced this in your life… Eating so much crap that you don’t want to do anything. Junk food can make you feel sluggish, tired, and unmotivated. Whereas healthy foods boost your energy so that you feel like you can do anything! Check this out: 30 Reasons to Eat Healthy Besides Weight Loss
22. Empower Yourself with Knowledge: Your self confidence relies on what you know about a given situation. If you don’t know much about say public speaking, then you won’t feel very confident. So, to increase your confidence, make sure you become knowledgeable about what you need to know. And then apply your knowledge so that you continue to build your confidence in that area.
23. Stop Procrastinating: What’s on your to do list? When you procrastinate you take up mental resources that drain your energy. Regain your mental resources and get a confidence boost by taking care of your to do list.
24. Do Something!: Doing something is better than sitting on your butt and just thinking about it. Yes, you can make mistakes but So What?… Life involves a series of mistakes. Your job is to learn from your mistakes and move forward to greater things. Start taking steps to accomplishing the goals you want to accomplish!
25. Work on Small Things: Looking at a huge task can be overwhelming, daunting, and intimidating. Your job is to break up huge tasks into small and doable parts. By having small achievements, you make yourself feel good and they add up to bigger achievements.
26. Clear Your Desk: Clear your desk or clean any area you work in. Often, having a cluttered work area means having a cluttered mind. Free up space in your mind by cleaning up the area around you. While the world may seem chaotic, you’ll at least have some control of your life by changing your surroundings.
27. Spend Time with Good Friends: Make time to hang out with good friends that will lift you up. These friends should also be positive and inspire you to do your best. You’ll be amazed by how much self confidence you’ll gain by being around people who are an inspiration to you.
28. Stay Away From Toxic People: Toxic people are gossipers, love putting down others, focus on the negative, love to share their problems, don’t look for solutions, and just are not very cheerful. People like these can effect your self esteem, your self image, and your confidence just from being around them. Much like you wouldn’t hang around radiation, STAY AWAY from toxic people!
29. Fake It!: This will not help long term but it is a good start to help you build your self confidence. For example, if you act like you are confident and outgoing, people will believe it, and eventually you will start to believe it yourself.7 This may not apply to everything in life but it’s a good start to show others that you’re confident.
30. Visualize Your Success: Research has shown that we experience real world and imaginary actions in the same way.8 So visualizing yourself doing a workout, giving a speech, or anything else you can think of raises similar feelings as actually doing it… Thus, visualize what you need to accomplish and how you’re going to do it and as a result you’ll be more confident when you actually have to do it…
While there are 30 Self Confidence Boosters here, it doesn’t mean this is all you can do to quickly boost your self confidence. Additionally, it doesn’t mean you need to do all of these confidence boosters. Pick and choose what you want to do in order to increase your self confidence.
5 Step Process to Gain Self Confidence
As you learn how to be more confident, you may need a quick and simple guide to help you solve any confidence issues. Remember, as you go through life, you will run into problems and mistakes will happen. As you build your self confidence, do not allow this to discourage you. Keep moving forward…
Now here’s your step by step guide to help you grow your confidence:
1. Identify the Problem:
- Figure out what makes you feel insecure, embarrassed, or what is keeping you from feeling happy and confident about your situation.
- Try talking to someone to shed some further light onto it.
2. Think of Possible Solutions:
- If it’s something you can fix, then do research. Rather it’s online, reading books, or asking someone for help. Find possible solutions that you would be interested in trying out.
- If it’s your internal thoughts then focus on the positive. Take time to write out why things should work out.
- The key here is to spend time on either working on a solution or accepting the cards that have been dealt to you.
3. Take Steps in the Right Direction:
- You’ve come up with possible solutions, now it’s time to implement them. Take action on what you’ve learned. Even if it doesn’t work, you can try something.
- Finding the right solution for you may take time, but keep trying until something works for you.
4. Encourage Yourself:
- Remind yourself of your many talents, abilities, and pass successes.
- If you set up your solution into steps, reward yourself with every step you achieve.
- Remember, you are someone of importance and you deserve to be happy.
5. Stay Positive:
- Act positive and upbeat, even when you’re not. By having a positive appearance on the outside, your mind will eventually catch on… If not instantly.
- Avoid self-pity and stay away from negative people.
- Think about and plan for the future. Having a strong vision of your future is what will help you get through the tough times.
Best Books on Building Self Confidence
Your journey on how to be more confident does not end with this site. For some people, the tips on this website may be enough. For others, they may want to know how else they can develop their own self confidence. Remember, one important step to building your self confidence is LEARNING, as a result, here are some additional resources that you may find helpful…
|The Ultimate Secrets of Total Self-Confidence features advice on:
|In The Power of Self-Confidence: Become Unstoppable, Irresistible, and Unafraid in Every Area of Your Life you’ll learn how to:
|Confidence: Build Unbreakable, Unstoppable, Powerful Confidence: In All Areas of Life offers a 21-Day Challenge with a day-by-day guide to renew your self-confidence. It allows you to formulate a specific plan to beat back against your worst enemy: yourself. With its assistance, you can train your mind to rid yourself of past stressors, to formulate fresh ideas about your goals, and to reach toward a renewed sense of self. Additionally, because your self-confidence exists on a neurological level, this book utilizes Neuro-Linguistic Programming and specific techniques to hone your self-confidence.Check It Out HERE (Amazon – Best Price)…|
|Drawing on the techniques of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a cutting-edge form of cognitive-behavioral therapy, The Confidence Gap explains how to:
|Topics covered in Extreme Confidence include:
1. Confidence Definition. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/confidence
2. Building Confidence. http://www.skillsyouneed.com/ps/confidence.html
3. Building Self-Confidence: Preparing Yourself for Success! http://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html
4. Secrets of Confident People. http://www.psychology-solution.com/confidence/confident-people
5. 25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence. http://zenhabits.net/25-killer-actions-to-boost-your-self-confidence
6. Body Posture Affects Confidence In Your Own Thoughts, Study Finds. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/10/091005111627.htm
7. 6 Ways to Feel More Confident. http://www.hercampus.com/health/mental-health/6-ways-feel-more-confident
8. 3 Easy Visualization Techniques. http://www.realsimple.com/health/mind-mood/emotional-health/visualization-techniques/mental-visualization